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Showing posts from December, 2014

When we became strangers.

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Your name pops up in my newsfeed. Boom. And there it is, like a rug suddenly pulled beneath my feet it all floods back.. We were everything, and now, we're... Nothing? When did it happen that we became such strangers? I think it makes me sad, but I'm not sure. Life is funny like this. People, they come and they go. They leave little imprints on our hearts which will always remain, their traces still linger in our memories.. A history written together can never be erased.  Not even time can remove such things, time sometimes makes the pain we caused each other a little less... But it can never take away those delicious memories we made. Those special times reserved for only you and I to remember. How wonderful is that.. The uniqueness of a memory?
Perhaps it will always stay there.. I hope it will. So one day when I'm old and my life has slowed down, I can sit and remember all these people and all these magical moments my memory chooses to hold on to. This is the story of my …

The number of sprouts.

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I put another sprout on my plate. I take it off, I pause.. Put it back on. Obviously, this is a critical decision. It sounds ridiculous, but in that moment it is everything. And that's what it does to you.. Anxiety. On the surface, I'm a million times the crumple of a person I was when anxiety and mental illness controlled my life... But in these moments of unnecessary procrastination; it is obvious how it still weeds it's poison into my life.
I'll spend hours walking around shops, picking things up, putting them back. I'll leave mail unopened and emails and messages days before replying. I can try in ten outfits on a morning before leaving the house, but that's okay.. because I'm a girl, right?? I recently spent at least twenty minutes trying to choose a bottle of wine in Sainsburys. I avoid decisions like the plague. I've lost confused friends over the years. Ive let good men go in my own confusion. Is it fear? of hurt? Of commitment? A desire for unatt…

Sunrise chasing.

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My previous post, Sunrise for Breakfast, described the pleasure I had taken in appreciating one of the most beautiful sunrises I've seen in a long time last month in London..
Since then, catching the sunrise has fast become one of my favourite parts of the day. 
I've been staying in Yorkshire, in Otley, as I've been shooting a lot with a company in Leeds. To be at the studio for 9am I have to wake up well before dawn and get myself on one of those tiresomely long local buses which never fails to be late and definetely does go around ALL the houses before it reaches Leeds.  However, instead of getting frustrated and exhausted by this now almost daily commute.. I've accepted and learnt to see the beauty in it. I have almost an hour to myself, to sit, to drink my coffee and to watch as the sun makes it's way into the sky.. Each day differently, yet always so beautifully and incredibly calming to watch.
I've come to rather love these morning spent travelling through to…

Hello December.

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December is upon us, the last month of the year already! Goodness, I'm not sure how that happened.. But suddenly all the warmth of autumn has faded and the frosty mornings and dark nights have crept in, and it's most definitely time to dig out the cosy jumpers and hot water bottles and welcome in the festive fun. I'm more than happy to get well and truly into the seasons festivities this year, especially as I will be spending December in England this year.. There is no beach, no blue skies to make Christmas seem such a far away distant thing this time around; and if I'm going to be in chilly England.. I'm going to indulge completely in all things festive. Bring the mulled wine and tinsel! 
Part of my British cynicism wanted to resent the world beginning it's Christmas celebrations back in November. But really.. I love it. I see no problem in cosying down and making the most of the holiday which brings light to such a dark, cold time of year. Those sparkling light…