Grace.

I hadn't written in a little while. I'd been feeling somewhat guilty (albeit unnecessarily) about that. It had not been for any particular reason other than my mind had been busy elsewhere and I found I didn't have much time or need for writing over the last few weeks.

But the last week came to me like a cannonball, a huge whack of emotions I wasn't expecting. And here I am, with my mind all full of words again.

So much has happened I wouldn't even know where to begin, or even if sharing the events and difficulties happening in my personal life right now is actually that relevant.

But what I did want to do was share some words for someone I know is having a hard time right now.

This is a person I've known, not always that personally, but I've known for her entire life. And instantly that makes me care. I care that she is struggling and that life isn't very easy for her right now. 

Perhaps I care because of all the years I've known her and her family. But perhaps also it's because I know how it feels to be a young girl and feel lost in the world. I don't know exactly why but I want her to know I care. 

I think it's important to reach out and speak when you feel that.. So many of us spend time thinking and worrying about people we know and love, yet sometimes all you need to do is tell them you're there, or just sit with them for a while so they know they're not alone. 

We can't save anyone, the only person to do that is themselves; the greatest thing we can do is offer ourselves, our time and our love to them. 

Sometimes just knowing you're not alone is all you need. 

When I found myself, not in the exact same situation, but similar to hers; all I wanted was for someone to take it all away. The stress, the worry, the anxiety, the sadness.. I wanted someone to save me. I was waiting for an angel that didn't exist outside myself. Eventually, with a lot of support and help, I learnt the greatest lesson of all... That 'angel'  could only be found inside myself. Slowly I discovered that the hero I needed was me and my love for myself. 

It is a long, long road learning to love oneself, and it is a road that I am still on and will probably always be on... 

But having been at the start of the track and having no idea on earth how to even put one foot infront of the other in that direction; I know how if feels to feel like you're drowning within your own destruction.

Self destruction is a funny thing... We know what we are doing is bad for us, that it doesn't make us feel good (not least for very long anyway) and we know we need to find a way out... Yet something keeps us going back for more. Something draws us in and intoxicates us into believing that numbing the pain will help, that momentary escape is a solution. A solution to a mind that feels like it's falling into darkness. 

If a bit of tough-love is what it takes then here it is - NOBODY will save you, nobody will solve your problems and take away the feelings you have inside yourself. No relationship or no drug or no self-hate or abuse will take that away either. Those things only push you further and further into that dangerous hole within yourself because you are simply avoiding the root of your unhappiness.

The only thing that can get you out of this is yourself. When we are lost like this we have to find the power over our own mind, we HAVE to find strength and self-love and care and take back the fucking control and guide ourselves back towards the right path. 

Self - That is our only saving grace. 

Life CAN be beautiful. It can have love and success and joy and peace and all the other beautiful things we imagine our ideal life would have. But we have to make that. 

Remember: What you think you become.

Believe in the life you desire. Don't settle for temporary fixes to the shit in your life... Shit comes and goes, I'm afraid that's just part of being a human being. These things make us who we are. Don't resist.

Feel it, absorb it, MOVE ON.

Keep the ball moving, take the opportunities that come to you, good things will come when we open ourselves up to them. 

Don't let yourself stagnate. Develop, grow and keep learning... Your life will blossom. Just let it.

I started this post with someone particular in mind, but as always it has veered off a little. But the point is still there... We are never alone. Somebody always understands what it's like feeling the way you do, and it ISNT forever. Those people can remind us of that.

Trust those that reach out.

So to that certain someone... Dont feel alone, we are all here even if it isn't before you. And don't be afraid. Love will guide you. 

Don't resist. It's time to start living.

With love x