Nîhaô.

Yep, hello Beijing! So Friday morning I touched back down in the big smog for what will be my second 2 month stay in China. A combination of jetlag and pure exhaustion from the chaos of moving the exact day of my flight; meant that most the time I had between castings and jobs was spent sleeping and getting my head together.. And it's not until now, where it is a Tuesday afternoon and we're driving from casting to casting, that I've found the headspace and clarity to write. Bizarrely, in the midst of a very busy day of appointments, I have found I have a lot of calm in my mind today. I've adjusted, not just to my new foreign home, but to the recent changes I've been faced with. And today I feel fine, good infact. 

I've found that I really don't need anything except the power over my own thoughts to create my happiness. When you can control your thoughts and are able to focus solely on the good, you can dampen any negativity in your mind and when you have a clear idea of what you want from life.. Nothing can stop you going in the right direction.

The few days prior to me leaving were immensely trying, I won't lie.. I was an emotional wreck the day before my flight, trying to pack and organise a million and one things both realistically and mentally. But with a little uplifting good energy (and a rather large glass of wine!) fed to me from a kind soul, I managed.. Somehow everything worked out.

I am reminded of that wonderfully comforting quote I mentioned from The Alchemist; 'when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it.'

Ever since I started to properly listen to my heart, my life changed. My heart had gotten weak and tired of being beaten down by my mind for so long.

But I have found the strength to control my mind and my thoughts, because I believe in that part of my soul that wants to persue happiness, fulfillment and enjoyment from life now. I no longer allow myself to absorb those negative emotions, they come of course.. And sometimes I have 'bad days' as we all do.. But there is a difference between accepting that you have to endure unpleasant experiences sometimes as part of the process, feeling those emotions.. Letting the tears fall and then moving on; and when you let that experience drown you in negativity. The former is a much healthier way of dealing with emotions. 

So now when I need to; I scream and I cry and let it all wash over me, and then it's done.. The worlds still going and we're still breathing, and it isn't actually so bad.

"Dum spiro spero" - A Latin proverb that translates as "While I breath; I Hope."

And it is this notion that carried me through my previous stay in China; where the work is hard, the hours are long and the days are sometimes very trying... But now I am filled with the strength that I can endure it, and I will come out stronger. 

So I remind myself of those sacred words whenever life feels tough, remembering that it will all be okay in the end if we keep believing. No doubt these next two months will push me to my limits again, and there will be times I need to shout and cry, but that's okay... It will all be okay in the end.

So bring it on Beijing... Let's see what you got! 

With love x