Another laddered stocking.

Well, the idea of January being a quiet month has been completely debunked this year; as I've actually found myself busier than ever.. Rushing from job to job and commuting back and forth across the country whilst trying to make sure I find the all important time inbetween all that for family and friends; something I now regard as a vital part of my weekly schedule. Love makes the whole process of living something magical if we make sure to find the time to appreciate it..

So I'm currently sat on the early morning Birmingham to Leeds train with a full day of eccom work ahead of me after only a few hours sleep following a couple of busy days of castings in London.

However I've finally found a few minutes to myself to be able to sit and to write.. I often seem to find myself writing on train journeys, it appears to be a time when I have to sit, with little distraction and am able to really collect myself.

Keeping collected has been a bit of a challenge over the last few weeks, as I find myself living out of a suitcase once again and never really spending more than a few nights in any one place.. I don't mind this at all, infact, as I've mentioned before.. I thrive on it. But that doesn't stop that inner set of scales sometimes struggling to remain balanced. 

You know when you see those people who really look like they have everything together... They're never rushing, always manage to waltz in looking completely cool and collected, with their hair always in place, clothes immaculate (not covered in cat-fur or spilt coffee) and usually with matching luggage and an aire of 'I've got this shit' going on.. And they never get ladders in their tights.

I always wonder how they are that way. I don't think I will ever be that person. I always get ladders in my tights. I'm not manic.. But I really don't believe I radiate that sense of togetherness. Feeling together to me is when I'm on time and  remember to put mascara on.. If my underwear is matching that's when I REALLY have my shit together!

Perhaps the fact that I always feel a little like I'm chasing the clock is what retains that feeling of 'living', of adrenaline for me. I certainly never have time to sit down and feel bored or wonder what to do with myself, and that is something I'm very happy about. I think it is a very sad thing to feel 'bored'.. What does boredom actually mean anyway? Surely it's just an expression used for those who do not know how to satisfy their own being. For me, there is always something to do or learn about or descover.. I don't really see the point in 'wasting time' away... There is no such thing when you know how you enjoy to spend your time. When you are aware of how to satisfy your soul, you will never feel 'boredom'.

So this is what it means to be living to me. To be alive, half-together and probably always chasing that eternal clock. I'm not always polished and will quite often find myself having to rock the laddered-stocking-look.. But I feel fulfilled, and I would much rather be that than be boring, or worse.. Be bored with myself.

Keep the variety, keep the love, keep the enjoyment.

With love x