Half way heaven...

So this weekend marks the halfway stage of my teacher training here with Evolation Yoga.

This week I feel like I've really found my footing.... My body is more used to the physical demands, my muscles are getting stronger and my mind is becoming better and better at shutting out the excuses as to why I'm tired/exhausted etc. 

Mind over matter.

It really is. My mind is focused, and no matter how tired my physical body is, how sleep deprived... I have learnt that I can overcome that when there is no choice not to. 

When we want to, We can achieve anything. 

Yes my eyes have been closing during lectures, and I've been having to physically shake my head to keep myself awake... Yes my body is sore Andy  drained. No I don't always feel like I want to practice for 3 hours every day in the hot-room...

But I have learnt I can. This entire process is showing me how limitless we really are.. 

When we push beyond barriers (both physical and mental) we transcend... We realise out full potential is far greater than we previously believed.

At the end of the week we taught our first 'half-class' (all of the standing series).. The evening before I was awake till the very early hours studying the postures and dialogue and was running on about 3 hours sleep when it was my turn to take to the podium and teach.

I was doubting everything; will I remember the dialogue? Why didn't I study more? Why aren't there more hours in the day? What on earth is Padangustasana? And how the heck does half moon start again?! 😳

But I took myself to the bathroom, I took a few long deep breaths, I thought back to our lecture with Zefea about 'The Teacher Switch' I exhaled all my 'what ifs', all the stories... I turned on my switch..  And I was ready. 

Taking to the podium I felt the most incredible surge of happiness; I'm here to serve my students, this isn't about me and my insecurities.. I'm here to give them a great class, to guide and to serve. That is all.. And that I can do, whether the dialogue is verbatim or not.

Letting go of that pressure meant that actually, nearly all of the words I was forgetting when I studied, came out.. The information is in there.. And what I've learnt is that when we relax, that becomes much more accessible. Ever think about a word so much it just stops making sense completely?! Well this is just the same.

Before I knew it I was winding up teaching the last posture, Toe Stand... I had survived, I didn't crumble into a sobbing heap; infact, I was still smiling, my 'students' were glowing with sweat and I had just led them through my first ever whole standing series, successfully.

What an amazing feeling. I can't explain how magical it felt.. All I know is that I have found something that makes my soul so very deeply satisfied, I left class feeling completely elated. 

Not so much because of successfully teaching the series, but more because I came to realise that I have found something that brings me to me. I feel like I've come home.

These first few tastes of teaching are awakening something within me, something that my soul has yearned for for a long long time. 

I feel so humbled by it all. This training is opening up so much of me, every day I that I'm learning how to teach others; I learn more and more about myself.

Always the teacher, always the student.💫

So at this halfway mark I want to remember that feeling of bliss, it's too easy to be blinded by the phsical and only remember the immense exhaustion we're experiencing... But I want to remember these beautiful moments where my inner world becomes brighter, where space is made where there was none before, where happiness is found. 

With love, Namasté X

Photo - Toe Stand, Padangustasana on the graffiti street in Belleville, Paris.